How did the chicken cross the road?

As the dry Harmattan season falls upon us, the roads in Ghana are becoming increasingly awash with stray animals trying to find scraps of food.  Discussion with a VSO friend tonight has made us decide that VSO motorbike training should include a section on how the animals cross the road…

Cow – if you are unlucky enough to be faced with a cow… beware.  A cow standing stationery on the road may all of a sudden decide that as you ride towards it, it really wants that specific piece of grass that happens to be across your path.  Or it might just stay still…

Either way, see a cow – slow down.

Donkeys – the thing about being as stubborn as a mule isn’t a joke.  Donkeys are stubborn.  They will cross if they want to, avoid you if they want to, and possibly run towards you if they feel like it.  Little ones like to lie on their backs in the middle of the road.  Rather cute, a little dangerous.

If you see a donkey… reverse.

Sheep – sheep are stupid.  If a sheep is crossing the road in front of you, chances are that it’s mother, father, sister, brother, cousin and great aunt will also be following.  Sheep like to do that – follow one another, like…erm… sheep.  If you beep at them, they will stop and look at you… and become even more of a hazard as they are confused as to whether to run away from you, towards you or just try and stare you out. 

So if you see a sheep, slow down, don’t bother beeping, and watch out for the rest of its village.

Goats – goats are significantly cleverer than sheep.  If you beep at a goat, it will move out of the way. 

The biggest problem is telling the difference between a sheep and a goat.  “What?!” I hear you ask – “difference between a sheep and a goat – isn’t that primary school knowledge?!”  It’s not.  Ask my sister, who spent several happy hours when she first visited saying “that one – is it a sheep or a goat… what about that one?”  The answer, I have discovered, is in the tail.  Stubby tail points up, it’s a goat.  Longer tail points down, it’s a sheep.  Probably.

So if you see something that looks like a goat… or a sheep… slow down.

Dogs – dogs are fast, but sometimes come from nowhere.  Dogs are in many ways one of the worse offenders as you have no idea where they’ve appeared from.  They also get scared quite easily, so may well cross your path, see something coming from the other direction and cross your path again.

So if you see a dog... get the brakes on fast.

Pigs – pigs are supposedly intelligent creatures.  My experience with pigs is that they might sometimes react to a horn, but rarely stray from their path.  So if you see a pig, it’ll almost certainly keep going.  Pigs seem to like moving in size order, so watch out for Big Pig, Medium Sized Pig and Very Little Pig following on behind Enormous Pig.

So if you see pigs – get behind the last one as they probably won’t turn back.  Probably.

Chickens – chickens are just suicidal.  There’s really no argument.  They see you coming and decide that they want to be run over… until you’re almost there, then they freak out, flap their wings everywhere then decide that now’s the time to see if they are capable of flying.  The good news is that if you hit a chicken, it will die and you might not notice.  So if you see a chicken, have space to brake and had a big lunch, try and avoid it.  If there’s something coming towards you or you just had a Coke, just keep on driving.

Guinea fowl – you thought chickens were stupid?  Then try guinea fowls.  They are the combination of the crazy chicken and village of sheep… also rather tasty.

Frogs – nice as it is to avoid a frog (well done Rachel!), it’s really not necessary to do an emergency stop when you see one.  Even if you thought it was a cat.